Stories 'N' Stuff

I'm sure most of us out there have a funny story or two from the big world of dj'ing. You know the ones when a customer says something stupid or a rather big lady pulls the pole from the ceiling (Yates Woodhouse Lane Leeds). Well I though it would be a good idea and a laugh for members to share them on here. It can be something you saw,did or said anything that you think is gonna give the rest of us a smile.

So to start the ball rolling... here's one from back in the day.

I was dj'ing in a club in Docaster called Seventh Heaven in the back room "Clouds" which played house, rnb & hiphop. A customer came up and asked "Have you got that song about a dog ?" I was usually good at guessing but I had no idea. I replied "How does it go?" She then said..." It goes Al-Al-Al-Al-Al-Al-Alsatian !!"

If you young guys dont get it ask your parents.

Not my best but just one to give you an idea.

P.s For those who still don't get it she wanted "House Nation"

was she a bit ruff?

Very funny Mr Dream lol. I thought you'd tell everyone your story when you hair got caught up in the decks at Adidance HA HA HA.

Come on Craig I'm sure u have a story to tell.

did i really?i cant remember that.but then again,memory is not one of my strong points.i can remember a few bits about the old porterhouse nights,but most of em involve the road trips.one night we stopped off under a bridge (2 cars full),to exchange,shall we say goodies and pop a few things pre club,and within a minute we had a cop car pull up behind us.there was enough gear on us to put down a horse,and we just said we stopped for a piss!we got away with it.i found that funny.does that count?on the way back one night we took the wrong exit off a roundabout and ended up in a field.my mate driving was so stoned he couldnt see.
another night we were coming back from stoke,fairly caned,going round a roundabout half a dozen times trying to decide which exit to take,lost and argueing between us.then we realised that a cop was sat in a layby watching us.when he pulled us we played dumb and got away with that one too.
happy days...

I remember dj'ing one night at Uprising shall we say slightly chemicaly enhanced and listening to the next track in my headphones. Was enjoying it that much didn't realise the track playing had now ended and was playing the paper lable. It wasn't until Natz came over and took my phones off my head and I looked up to see a room full of ravers falling about laughing. The phrase "I ment to do that" didn't work that night. Dear oh dear things we did. Settle for Red Bull these days. Lol

smirnoff n red bull for me these days.pity i get down half a bottle a night over here tho...i aint going to rehab.no,no,no.
quick true story for you then.remembered it last night.your bloody fault paul!and people,i swear on my kiddys life this is true.i was playing a gig in sheffield one night,probly 96ish.i literally just finished my set when the phone rang.andy from club kinetic(stoke on trent) on the phone."can you get down here soon as possible.grooveriders on,and hes dying on his arse"he was playing some dark shit,and the ravers just werent having it.this is like midnight.can you get down here for 1,says he.me being the half crazed loon that i am.actually agreed to do it.and i`d popped...now,sheffield to stoke on trent is not really an hours drive.1 hour 20,pushing it fairly hard as i recall.and on this night it was absolutely pissing it down.shocking weather.luckily,id had a brand new set of vriedestien tyres fitted to the car,so confidence was high.so off i set with a mate.dj frantic it was.we did 110 to 135 all the way down the m1.in the rain.car handling like a dream.roads clearish,not a cop in sight.winner.me driving like im in an f1 car.it was in fact a peugoet 309 gti.souped up to the max,as was the rage.did the m1.turned onto the a38 from derby to stoke.still caning it.cutting the roundabouts up,to save precious seconds,f1 style.we got on to the last stretch of dual carriageway before stoke still hammer down.this is the good bit.in a blink of an eye we passed a reliant robin comin towards us on our side of the road.on our dual carriageway.the idiot had got it wrong at the previous roundabout and actually drove down the east bound road instead of the west.prat.now if i`d still have been cutting corners as i was doing,i would have hit him at 100 mph + head on.luckily i stayed in the left hand lane at that stretch of road.so we survived.but you dont really forget things like that do you?anyway we made stoke on trent in 55 minutes,went on stage,and blew grooverider to smithereens.his face was a picture.hes never spoken to me since.
you couldnt make it up could you?

Is it just us then Craig who have wiered and colourfull nights ?

Oh there was that time I lit a fart in Gatecrasher but I best keep quiet about that one lol.

looks that way matey...theyre all in [hiding/]...ive a new one.last nights in fact.ive switched jobs now.better conditions/dosh ect...
im playing indie in a late club setting as my second job.ive 2 a day!grab grab.anyway,heres me banging out killers,kooks ect.all indie.solid all the way through.and as u do,ive a little note pad for requests....so,everybody writes there requests tune title/artists who for + so on down for me to read,n search for on the comp...easy yes?
a blonde comes up to me and into the dj box,i give her the pad.she writes:
"i dont want to party all the time,party all the time,party all the time".
brill.this is in a widely advertised strictly indie club.dumb blondes.theyre great.i really should have took advantage of her but i refrained!same night,a dim lad leans over my dj box asking for busted.so i talk to him via the mike,cutting the music right down as i do."which busted track do you want"?so he tells me.i do the same type of thing 4 times.takin the piss.the crowd were in stitches.poor lad.
on my early job,we got 6 or so older women coming in.all sat round the bar and pulled up theyre seats in a row.me quick as a flash on the mike."good evening ladies,thank you for joining us.the bingo starts in ten minutes".priceless.and that was just last night....

I'd rather hang up my headphones than play indie all night yuk!

Typical senario..

Customer: "Have you got any Indie mate"

Me: "No"

Short but sweet.

paul,i had a riot playing that stuff.the kids loved it.predictably,tho,ive now been sacked!i empied the main room of all its punters in 4 days and got them in my room.it was heaving,bouncing.mad as hell.i turned the main bar into a ghost town...didnt go down too well with the 6 year resident or the boss at all.absolutely loved it though.oh well back to playing dance.weve got slipmatt comin to my new club on sunday so alls well.good old kavos` swings and roundabouts.its never dull i`ll tell ya!

Did u play "I predict a riot" ?

yup!

Here's one from this weekend. Played a club in Scarborough on Friday night and was on my way home. Just came off the M62 onto the M18 and got one of those itches us gentlemen get on the sphericals. Tried to give it a scratch through the jeans but to no avail. So off with the seat belt undid my belt unziped the jeans and without getting to graphical relieved the itch. All this done while steering with my knee. What do I get for my driving skills flashing blue light behind me. As I pulled over to the hard shoulder I was trying to fasten myself up. Before I managed to button up the copper was at my window. "Been drinking sir ? " he asked looking at my undone jeans and belt. "No not at all " I replied. "It's just that you were weaving about a bit " he continued. "Believe it of not I was just scratching an itch". "Mmm of course you were sir " the copper sniggered. I now knew what he was thinking.. here is a guy on the motorway at 5am in the morning having some personal entertainment. "Sorry for weaving about I was driving with my knee I should have pulled over" He laughed and replied "Think there has been enough pulling tonight. Please drive more carefully" "Ok" I said. "Oh and sir dont forget to wash your hands when you get home" he then burst out laughing and walked back to his car.

Now I can just imagine the dick going back to the station and telling everyone he caugh a guy on the M18 having a 'shafty crank'

I suppose its not the first time I've been called a wan*er !

So the moral of the story is if you get that itchy feeling park up before you scratch.

So that was you i pulled over then sir, did you wash your hands ?


















lol joking

Ha Ha

brill paul....thanks for sharing.

another quickie.blondes again.as some may know im in greece.18-30 tour ops organise a boat trip on fridays to do a bit of local island hopping and a piss up n bbq..blondy says to a rep "do i have to bring my passport"?
i found it funny anyway...

supposse this counts as a story.twas my birthday yesterday and we had an earthquake in resort!not gonna forget that one....quote:

ATHENS, Greece: A magnitude 5.8 earthquake rattled Corfu and other western Greek islands Friday but there were no immediate reports of injuries or damage, authorities said.
The Athens Geodynamic Institute said the quake occurred at 9:09 p.m. (1809 GMT), with its epicenter on the Greek mainland 34 kilometers (21 miles) southwest of the northern port city of Igoumenitsa, or 335 kilometers (210 miles) northwest of Athens.
The quake was felt on the islands of Corfu and nearby Paxous, but also on the western Greek mainland and southern Albania.
The U.S. Geological Survey said the quake was of magnitude 5.5.

Too much bass again Craig?

Reminds me when Uprising was at Dogga and they decided to put a 10k rig upstairs and it smashed Rita's ornaments in her flat.

Oh and Happy Birthday you old git

djretro wrote:

Too much bass again Craig?

Reminds me when Uprising was at Dogga and they decided to put a 10k rig upstairs and it smashed Rita's ornaments in her flat.

i actually remember that!oh happy days...